After heavy deliberation, The Sack of Troy Editorial Board has concluded that we believe beloved socialist Wallace Shawn is the best choice for President of the United States of America in 2020. Considering the policy positions of all the candidates, we think choosing anyone but Shawn would be inconceivable. We encourage our readers to vote for him and make their voices heard!
*Note: Drew please publish this headline before Election Day (November 3, 2020). Don’t just copy and paste this. November 3rd! Double check the date. Make sure it’s out on time. If you fuck this up I will shave your head while you sleep. I know how much you love your luscious golden-brown locks. Good night – Jonathan