The New Chipotle Detox!

by Rob Smat, Fitness Guru for the Sack

Hey, fitness people! Fitness Guru Rob Smat here. And man, do I have a new one for you.

This is the most amazing detox I’ve ever done. It’s cleansing, it’s delicious, and it is F-U-N fun.

People are going to ask you, are you cheating on your detox diet? And you just look them in the eye and tell them, “Go to hell.”

And then look them in the body and let them feel the shame. The shame of having fat on their bones. Let’s get started!

Step 1: Eat Chipotle.

via ABC News
via ABC News

Seriously. Eat it all up!

Chipotle is high in proteins and other nutrients, especially E-Coli.

Step 2: Vomit and Diarrhea.

via Barfblog.com
via Barfblog.com

Those proteins and nutrients we talked about, especially the E-Coli, will clean you out like Draino! (Note: I’m legally obligated to tell you not to pursue the Draino Detox, even though it works like nothing else.)

You won’t have a pound of fat left after this detox. You’ll be dead. And free of toxins.

See you fit fucks next week for more fitness tips.