Squirrels Now Begging to Hit Your Vape Too

By Jackson Sneeringer

LOS ANGELES — It’s a bad day for all college nic addicts: the New York City squirrels have reportedly passed the news along to their cousins on the better coast that vapes are, in fact, delicious. This development comes just a few weeks after an OG New Yorker™ swapped nuts for huffs and got caught hitting his Miami Mint in front of tourists — a terrible look for the city and an even worse look for the poor pinkie who now has to answer to both the media and his parents.

We all know what this means for LA — the unskippable cutscene of NPCs passing your vape around at a party just got infinitely longer, as the campus squirrel mob wants in on the circle. Forget a nightmare blunt rotation, this nightmare nic rotation now includes Sandy Cheeks, her 10 siblings, and 30 more of her friends (only 30 she promises, you’ll get it right back).

“Dude. There’s like, a whole family of rats who’ve had my Watermelon Ice for 20 minutes. I’m not getting that shi back, am I?” said SAE brother Mike Hunt. The good news is you probably won’t want it back when your popcorn lung now comes with a side of rabies — another win for Operation Squirrel Takeover.