Inspirational: Parents At USC Target On Game Day Celebrate First Day In Public
By Noelle Medina
LOS ANGELES, CA – They grow up so fast! To celebrate being born yesterday, Trojan parents took to the USC Village Target to wander amongst the general public for the very first time.
In just a short few hours after waking up as sentient beings, swaths of newborn moms and dads had already learned how to open BuzzBallz and coddle their overgrown sons. But venturing out into public would be a big leap for these adult toddlers on their very first day on Earth, and where better than the USC Target on an already crowded 90 degree game day to learn and grow?
“This Marshall Mom just left the NICU, and my baby boy and I are celebrating at the Sig Chi dayger before the big game!” said Trojan mom Rebecca Standstill while standing completely still with her big ass cart in the middle of the hair care aisle, which is coincidentally where five other people need to be walking right now. “Of course, I just learned how to use my legs, so my little Tyler is holding my hand while I waddle around like the widdle baby I am.”
Other Trojan parents could be found practicing how to balance by walking diagonally with their arms held out like airplanes, and learning how to talk right in front of the only price scanner in the deodorant aisle.
“I was so inspired by this newborn dad I saw while I was trying to get Liquid IV for all the pledges passing out on the Row from dehydration and heat stroke,” said junior psychology major McKayla Froyd. “Even though I was in a rush because people were losing consciousness on the sidewalk, it was really incredible to watch a grown ass man take his first ever steps.”
For their next venture into the outdoors, Trojan parents will learn how to stand in line for concessions at the Coliseum juuust inconveniently enough that you have to do an awkward little shimmy to wedge past right between them in the middle of their conversation. If you’re lucky you might even get to walk behind them as they learn how to go up the stairs for the very first time!
