NFL Playoffs Briefly Overshadowed By Hulking Alien Monolith Blocking the Sun

By Phineas Kelly

US — In a shocking and unexpected event this weekend, NFL playoff games were briefly overshadowed by a hulking alien monolith blocking out the Sun.

The abrupt change in sunlight came just moments before kickoff between the Washington Commanders and Philadelphia Eagles, and play was delayed by officials due to “things getting real dark all of a sudden” and “everybody wanting to get a good look at the thing”. Initial crowd reactions were some screams and the sound of air raid sirens, quickly replaced by boos and groans once attendees realized the game would be temporarily paused.

“I was really excited for some good old-fashioned American ball,” said Commanders fan Ella Grossman. “But as soon as that oppressively large object of obviously alien origin blocked out the entire Sun, it got really hard to concentrate on the thirty guys beating each other to death down there. The whole game felt sort of…eclipsed somehow.”

Just as attendees began to get bored of the monolith and refocus on the game, the Manhattan-sized metal prism began emitting ominous whirring and humming noises, briefly garnering the attention of football fans once again. However, the second kickoff of the day between the Buffalo Bills and Kansas City Chiefs caused most fans to once again lose interest. “I mean it was just kind of sitting there, not doing anything exciting,” said Chiefs fan Owen Greco. “Meanwhile, you got a whole football game going on right there, so you really gotta compete for our attention. Maybe it could play videos or something? Just a thought.”

The gargantuan space-ark, later identified by the Pentagon as a planet-destroying weapon, entirely left Earth after realizing it could not capture the average American’s attention span when a T-Mobile commercial is on.