From the Archives: Lil Tay Obituary

by Joshua Wolk

Rapper Lil Tay, 14, passed away from unknown causes on Tuesday, August 10, 2023, according to her Instagram and absolutely no other reputable sources. 

She is survived by her mother, Angela Tian, who still hears her voice in the breeze, whispering words like “Hey Mom, I’m running a PR stunt where I pretend that I died. Wait, don’t include that in the obituary, I’ll give you an actual quote. And twenty dollars. Stop taking notes! I’m going to throw a brick at—”

Her brother, Jason Tian, also had kind words but has requested to expunge them as he remembered that he too is presumed dead. 

Visitation with memorial services will be held on August 12, but the family politely asks that you don’t pack your bags because it will be rained out or something.