Best Pickup Lines to Use on Your Hot Relatives

By Jessica Wild

Thanksgiving is a time where family has the wonderful opportunity to gather, dine on delicious food, and suffer from the most intense migraines you’ve ever had due to hours of small talk. Whether it’s your 22 year old cousin complaining about still sitting at the kids’ table or your racist grandma trying to ruin the dinner, it’s still possible to enjoy the day. After all, your third cousin Jared looks like he’s finally hitting the gym…and third barely counts, right? Don’t let Uncle Greg steal your thunder with his impressively uninformed political bluster this Thanksgiving. Take the opportunity of dining with your finest family members to find out whether you share something more than genetics.

“Did your license get suspended from driving all these guys crazy?” 

Paired with an arm around the shoulder, this line is proven to pick up chicks from all generations. You can really up your rizz by pointing at that one second cousin you’ve been in love with since you were six and didn’t understand why cousins couldn’t date. This works conversely to shut your third-time divorced aunt up if she won’t stop asking about your plans after graduation with an American Popular Culture degree. 

“I think you’re suffering from a lack of vitamin Me!”

This works wonders on the older crowd who are sure to appreciate your medical joke. What is lower back pain and severe osteoporosis to your warm presence?

“If being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!”

Some may consider this unbeatable classic uncreative and overdone. Fear not, Uncle Greg doesn’t get enough play to have possibly heard it yet.

Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?” 

This is a tricky one to pull off. If Grandpa Joe is at the table, someone may try to piggyback with an overused and painfully unfunny joke about his age. Proceed with caution.

“Is your dad a boxer? Because you two are knockouts!”

What’s better than one hot relative? Two hot relatives! Thank your Aunt Marge for your two hot twin cousins. If incest doesn’t deter you, neither should monogamy! There’s enough of you to go around.

“I think there’s something wrong with my phone. Could you try calling it to see if it works?” 

This is a great way to check whether the random number with an 814 area code that’s texted you every year on your birthday is actually your half brother or just another Ryan you grew up with. It’s a couple years too late to ask at this point.

“Did you invent the airplane? Because you seem just Wright!”

This Thanksgiving could be Grandpa Joe’s last. It’s best to secure the inheritance before your target audience is too mentally deluded to appreciate your come-ons. After all, even if he keeps getting you and your older brother mixed up, him grabbing your shoulder to ask you to pass the mashed potatoes has to mean something!

“Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?”

It’s better to ask than to find out for yourself. That would be disgusting and illegal (in most states).