Capitalism Strikes Again: Amazon Prime Day Just Another Fictional Holiday Invented by the Greeting Card Industry

By Maura Ende

KANSAS CITY, MO — Tensions have risen outside the Hallmark Cards headquarters as Amazon Prime Day rages on and celebrants face a massive greeting card shortage.”I checked two Hallmarks, three Walgreens, four XXX Pleasure Dungeons, and a Hobby Lobby looking for a ‘Happy Prime Day’ card for my mother-in-law,” one loiterer complained.

When a Hallmark representative suggested checking Amazon Prime instead, the loiterer instantly collapsed and subsequently refused to respond for comment. (The individual’s name is protected for privacy reasons.)