Top Ten Places to Get Fucked Up During Syllabus Week
By Sarah Cortina
We here at Sack care about the student[‘s] bod[ies]y, and are here to help our fellow Trojans celebrate the best two weeks of the academic year. As they say, it’s not alcoholism until you graduate. Cheers!
10. Rock and Reilly’s
Close to your dorm, so a must go. They’re super chill, ESPECIALLY if you’re underage. Make sure to talk really loudly about how sick IDgod is too. The bouncers just wanna be your friend!
RIP Betty White, you would have loved bottomless Bacari. Their sangria looks just as good going in as it does going out (fun colored puke, purple).
8. La Barca
Double shot margs put you on ass.
7. In front of your RA’s room.
A good way to assert your dominance! Extra points if you do a keg stand. They’re just jealous you got your hands on the blue raspberry Svedka before it ran out at Target.
6. Engemann Student Health Center. ** (Daily Trojan file) (Sarah Cortina)
The perfect place to both get and do shots.
5. Pardee Marks Covid Testing Line
Pardee Marks, more like Party Marx. Time to meet some hot socialist bitches! Kill two birds with one stone by sticking things up your nose and down your throat.
4. Carol Folt’s Backyard
Santa Monica is so beautiful at night! If you get charged, just lie and say you didn’t know it was her house. The fake out has been her approach for talking about pretty much everything, so I’m sure she’ll understand the rationale.
3. During rush
A really great way to impress all your future brothers and or sisters is to show them how much of a good time you like to have. Show everyone your super cute bedazzled flask or beer bong. It’ll really impress them, and you’re guaranteed a bid at any house you want.
2. In front of the SJACS office
SJACS actually stands for Students JChugging Alotof Coorshaha Sick. Everyone’s just lying to you, they all found out the truth when you went home early from that one party freshman year because you were too self conscious about being perceived so you need to show them you’re cool now.
If you wanna buy us a drink for syllabus week venmo @sackoftroy. We appreciate viewers like you.)