By Emily Torp
BOISE, ID – Republicans have developed a platform for individuals going through financial hardship to rival the site GoFundMe. The website has been intentionally and affectionately titled: “Get a Job, Loser.”
Samuel Jones was one of the site’s first users. “I already started a GoFundMe, but wanted to try out a new website to try and get even more donations towards my life-saving $300,000 kidney surgery. I put in my contact information, a description of my ailment, and just got an ominous screen that said ‘Get a Job, Loser.’ I don’t see how that would heal my failing kidneys.”
Erica Bautista, co-founder of “Get a Job, Loser,” the self-proclaimed humanitarian organization, was excited to explain how the site benefits those in need. “It’s really simple. Let’s say someone’s house burned down, and they needed money to repair it. If the homeowner had a job, the fire would have known they were hard-working Americans, and went to the unemployment-collecting commies across the street instead.”
To use “Get a Job, Loser,” subscribers need to pay a monthly fee of $25.95. The platform states these “donations” go towards site maintenance, bitcoin mining, and the retainer fee for Ricky Schroder to harass at least 10 Costco employees per week.
The organization has also emphasized that the fee “Absolutely does NOT” go towards the recall effort in Maricopa County, Arizona.