Wow! This Vintage Reseller Can Go Fuck Themself!

By Mia Young

NEW YORK, NY – Reports indicate that area college student and so-called vintage reseller Julia Schiff can go fuck herself.

Schiff, a self-proclaimed entrepreneur, has made a “career” out of buying mass amounts of pre-90’s clothing from disadvantaged communities and selling them on Instagram for $200. “Yeah, I don’t know. I just thought ‘hey, somebody will be stupid enough to buy this,” she said. “And there was! I’m makin’ moves though!” Schiff then proceeded to “dab” and yell “yee yee!” into the distance. Fuck off, Julia. 

Andy, Schiff’s boyfriend, has stated that he’s “sick and tired of going to those nasty ass thrift stores with all those stinky poor people.” He then proceeded to pinch his nose, either in an attempt to visualize his statements or because of all the cocaine. He also said that he “can’t believe people actually buy used clothes, because that’s like, fucking gross.”

Regardless, Schiff is satisfied with the income from her new business. Over the past week she has made over $700, all of which she says will go to two things: White Claws and Hyde bars.