Yes, There Was a Coup. But, it’s Brooklynn’s 21st Birthday!

By Angie Stroud

LOS ANGELES, CA – Brooklynn Gentry may be the unluckiest girl in the whole country today. It’s her 21st birthday. And all anyone is talking about is “coup” this and “domestic terrorism” that. 

“Race wars happen every decade or so,” said Brooklynn. “My 21st birthday is once in a lifetime.”

With the city-wide closure of bars and clubs, Instagram was supposed to be the place where Brooklynn got the attention she’s been frothing at the mouth for all year long. “Now, I can’t post the sexy-but-tasteful selfie I had planned for months,” said Gentry. “I am devastated.”

Brooklynn’s friends have also been grappling with an ethical posting dilemma. “How many infographics do I post before I get to my most grammable pics with Brooklynn?” asked sorority sister, Claire Colloney. “Or should I repost the black square first?”

 “I want to be as much of an ally as I can today,” said Khloe McKlahn. “But first, I need to wish Brook a boozy 21st birthday!” She posted a multi-slide VSCO collage, but the lack of likes caused McKlahn to delete it soon after.

Brooklynn plans to salvage this post-less birthday with a small gathering of nine people and their plus-ones. But if she pops champagne with a crown on, and there’s no Boomerang to capture it, did it even really happen? This reporter has her doubts.