By Alexandra Miller
HOMETOWN, USA – Even with the unprecedented COVID-19 restrictions, the heartwarming Thanksgiving traditions of warm turkey, pumpkin pie, and family arguments live on as racist Uncle Larry managed to Zoom Bomb this year’s virtual dinner with unprovoked racist comments.
Uncle Larry has “been on thin ice for decades” as Aunt Beverly said, “He never exactly had the family spirit, but last year’s comments about how ‘black people should just get over it’ led us to not send him the link this year.”
No one had heard from him until two weeks before Thanksgiving, when he offered to host an extended family gathering, since the virus was “not even as bad as the flu”.
Family members politely declined and all agreed to not send him the Zoom invite. They enjoyed a safe and virtual celebration until a mystery participant requested to enter the room and began yelling about how the Native Americans “should have fought back” and “had stronger immune systems”.
The mystery user, known only as LarryLovesTrump123, delivered an impassioned speech about how the US should start colonizing again. As Woke Gay Cousin Amy took this as an opportunity to try to engage in some civil discourse, Aunt Beverly frantically called Zoom tech support to figure out how to put a password on the room.
The family guaranteed that a waiting room will be enabled for any Christmas gatherings to avoid the annual “Jesus was white and facts can’t tell me otherwise” rant.