College Friends Finally Get to Reunite After Their Weird Friend Makes Them on the Sims

 By Bryn Doyle

CARLSBAD, CA – After two months of quarantine and the school year over, University of Southern California junior Sarah Dunlop decided to make her friends on the single player life-simulation game, The Sims, to reunite. 

“To make them look realistic, you sometimes have to go way back normally to their emo angsty phase, for photos where they aren’t smiling,” Sarah recounts while in “Create-A-Sim” mode. “Smiles make it difficult to identify the bone structures.”

After moving her new Sims into a custom designed five-bedroom, three-bathroom Victorian mansion in Willow Creek, Sarah was excited for the big reunion of Sims Sarah, Michael, Kaitlin, Fiona, and Zach. However things didn’t go as planned. Sim Michael began autonomously flirting with Sim Kaitlin, shocking Sarah.

“I made him for me! Our traits are totally compatible! I mean, we aren’t dating in person yet, but something was starting up between us before quarantine. I could feel it,” Sarah recounts.

Unfortunately, gameplay spiralled from there. The romantic relationship between the Sims of Michael and Kaitlin continued despite Sarah monitoring them to the best of her ability. Michael’s Sim also rejected Sarah’s Sim’s advances, recoiling to every “flirt”, “compliment appearance”, and “ask if single” action.

“I got some really weird texts from Sarah,” real Kaitlin revealed, “saying something about violating girl code, that I had betrayed her, and that ‘I would pay for this.’”

And pay she did. In Sarah’s last frenzied “Let’s Play” video on her Sims gaming channel, Slut4Simoleons, Sim Michael was placed in a small room with no door and an oven, leading to an unfortunate cooking accident and fatal fire. Sim Kaitlin watched in horror before being placed in a pool surrounded by walls. It wasn’t long before the Grim Reaper came for both Sims, burnt and drowned. 

Kaitlin and Michael guarantee no future in person reunion with Sarah after seeing her video. When asked about the massacre of her friends, Sarah simply replied, “I AM GOD!”