By Charlotte Phillipp
According to a phone call by Mom this morning, your cousin Tommy Jankowski, 31, proposed to his girlfriend with great success. This report was corroborated by an email from Tommy’s mother, Aunt Cathy, and further confirmed by a post from Uncle Rob on Facebook.
“What’s her name again? I’m pretty sure it’s Ashley,” said Mom, when asked about the engagement. “We met her at that Bears game, remember? That one Uncle Rob took us to in October. Wait, maybe her name is Amy. She has that little tattoo of a flower on her neck. Ugh, if you ever get a tattoo I’ll come out there and kill you. You know how I feel about those. What will they think at job interviews?”
Mom says that the couple has not yet set a date, but she hopes the wedding will be in the spring of next year. “I’m so sick of the heat already. I just want to skip ahead to spring. Although, remember when we went to your cousin Sarah’s baby shower in April and it rained so they had to move all the catering in the garage and then I told you the sandwiches tasted like fertilizer. Because they did!”
Mom also wanted you to know that she doesn’t think your other cousin’s boyfriend will be in attendance. “Well, you know Bella’s boyfriend, Zack or something? I think they broke up because Cathy emailed me an early Christmas card, and he’s not on it! Good for her, I never liked him.”
Also included in this report was a bunch of other random stuff Mom wanted to tell you. “Oh, Dad and I watched that Netflix show, the one with all the kids on bikes in the woods? What’s it called? I can’t remember. Anyways, I can’t wait to see you over break, honey! Make sure you’re working out, last time you came home you couldn’t fit in those shorts I like so much. I love you!”