Friendly Reminder Actually Kind of Bitchy

by Amanda Douglas

LOS ANGELES, CA – Last week, tenants of Glendale Apartments received an email from their landlord Eli Robinson with a friendly reminder that was actually kind of bitchy.

Robinson sent the email Monday night after raccoons got into the trash again, reminding residents to close the dumpster after dumping. At the end of the note, he added, “Just a friendly reminder 🙂 ” to clarify his intentions.

Tenant Sandy Weber found the email to be oddly deceptive. “It made sense at first,” she commented. “But then I realized putting an exclamation point after every sentence doesn’t make you nice. It just makes you hyperactive and, honestly, kind of bitchy.”

When asked how he felt about the email, Daniel Wick, who’s been squatting on his cousin’s couch since September, immediately grew upset. “I’m sick of the constant demands,” he said, sweating profusely. “Stop leaving the dumpster open, stop loitering in the elevator, stop harboring stray raccoons in your bathtub. Everyone just needs to relax, especially the dude who wrote that bitchy email.”

Resident Drew Bailey, on the other hand, saw the reminder as straightforward. “Yeah, it didn’t seem friendly at all. I mean, last time I asked him about an email, he punched me in the face and then spilled coffee all over my blue jeans,” Bailey commented, gesturing to the pants he has refused to wash since the incident. “I don’t ask anymore.”

Glendale tenants agreed the email was passive-aggressive, and Robinson has been uninvited from the semi-annual potluck. Later that week, the raccoons slipped in through a fire door and ransacked his apartment.