“This is My Year,” says Woman Who’s Made Zero Changes

by Christine Politte

After a long, relaxing summer, junior Kelsey Holiday returned to campus excited to begin a new chapter in her life, despite having made no personal changes.

“I’m going to study so hard this semester,” said the C student, who had to ask directions to the library last semester despite living on campus for almost two years. “No more getting wrecked by the curve. Now, I set the curve!”

So far, however, Holiday hasn’t even been setting her alarm clock, according to her roommate, Bridget Yates.

“Kelsey asked if she could tag along with me to the gym this year,” said Yates. “The first day we got up at 8, then she hit snooze for three more hours. She had a 9 a.m. class, too.”

Despite this setback, Holiday is undeterred.

“Slip-ups don’t matter,” said the model of discipline, who kicked off her new budget with a $30 planner to keep her purchases organized. “In the long run, I’m coming out ahead.”

Holiday plans to work on her resolution to party less after one last rager this weekend, to “celebrate a whole week of the new me!”