Nobody Has Seen Martin Sheen in 6 Months and No One Is Investigating

by Joey Rayburn

LOS ANGELES, CA – Veteran actor Martin Sheen, star of The West Wing and Apocalypse Now, has been off the grid for six months, and nobody seems to notice or care. Sheen has garnered critical praise throughout his 56-year-long career, but does not seem to have left much of an impact on the general public.

When asked if he cared about the Golden Globe winning actor’s well-being, local man Wendell Rinehart expressed, “Oh, yeah. Martin Sheen. I thought he died like six years ago!”

When asked if he was worried by Sheen’s disappearance, Rinehart only shrugged: “Eh, I’m sure he’s fine. Did you hear Beyonce’s having twins?”

Tyco Khan, who claims to have seen The West Wing in its entirety four times, could not think of where he had heard Sheen’s name before: “Wasn’t he in Passengers? Wait, that’s Michael Sheen. Man, that dude knows how to act.”

Local officials also have shown little interest in the actor’s whereabouts. When asked about any official investigation, LAPD Detective Shonda Reynolds had little to offer: “Wasn’t he in Murphy Brown?”

After minutes of investigation, the whereabouts of Martin Sheen remain unknown. Also, his Wikipedia page has not been updated in over two weeks, so this might be pretty serious.