Freshman Still Not Sure Which Boy in Her Class to Fall in Love With the Idea Of

by Hannah Ceselski

USC — Freshman Rebecca Serrano faced a difficult decision as she entered her second semester. She still had no idea which male student in her class to develop an unhealthy fixation with. Further complicating the situation, she refused to get to know any of them on a personal level.

“Usually by this point in the year, I’ve made up my mind,” admitted Serrano. “But college has broadened my horizons, and now I have so many options when it comes to choosing a guy to daydream about in my gender studies GE.”

Although Serrano is experienced when it comes to fantasizing about strangers instead of making genuine human connections, she finds herself taking extra steps in choosing her target this semester. While other students are busy making new friends, or at least hooking up with each other, Serrano has spent her time narrowing down her options to three possibilities.

“It’s nearly impossible to choose,” said Serrano. “Do I go with the guy who complimented my t-shirt on the first day of class? Or the one who added me on Facebook after we were briefly introduced at a party? The first one proved that he has good taste, but the second one showed that he remembers what I look like. How am I supposed to compare the two?”

Despite the staggering potential of each of the candidates, Serrano admitted that one stood out from the rest in the running to become her fantasy boyfriend.

“Ethan Ingram is quiet in a way that makes me think he just needs someone to take care of him,” Serrano explained. “Also he has the jawline of a god. I can really see myself raising children with someone like that.”

Serrano will continue to deliberate as she looks at wedding Pinterest boards during class, and will make her final decision after comparing samples of each boy’s hair follicles to the texture of her ideal bridesmaid dresses.