Old Woman in Wheelchair at Airport Totally Just Cut In Line Again

by Chai Karve

LOS ANGELES, CA — The day before Thanksgiving, in the midst of the chaotic security line at the Los Angeles International Airport, Beatrice Rodgers, an ‘old coot’ in a wheelchair, rolled her way to the front of the line, again.

Several passengers in line gave Rodgers dirty looks and muttered about how they can’t wait ‘til they’re a million years old, too. Other passengers questioned her motives for travel, wondering why her family couldn’t just fly to her instead.

“I got here 4 hours early just to be safe,” remarked Sanjay Kashi. “But this lady gets here 30 minutes before her flight and gets to cut? That’s bull.”

Upon reaching the front of the line Rodgers directed her irritated, overworked airport escort to painstakingly remove various creams, gels, and medicines from her 3 bags, all of which were much too large to carry onto the plane. People in line behind her were not pleased.

“Sure, see your family or whatever,” conceded young professional Ainsley Grief. “But don’t if you’re old. Does that make sense?”

After having her luggage sorted into 7 different gray X-ray bins, Rodgers went through the metal detector on her own two feet 4 times, remembering different pieces of metal on her person each time. Passengers behind her were infuriated.

“She could walk this whole time?!” exclaimed Kashi. “I hope she eats it.”

Rodgers maintained a happy-go-lucky demeanor in the face of abject hatred from strangers and eventually boarded her flight early on account of being fucking ancient. As one of the first people on the flight, she secured a middle seat and filled 2 overhead baggage compartments.