Disappointed Student Continuously Settles for Cereal at EVK

by Quinton Buxton

EVERYBODY’S KITCHEN — Earlier today, the dining halls opened their doors for the lunch rush. The kitchen staff watched as hoards of students bustled inwards to satisfy their particular palates. Disappointment, however, once again loomed over business major Tommy Waller.

“Usually pizza is safe bet,” Waller disclosed. “Cheese, sauce, and bread. That’s it. But today they tried putting chopped lamb and steamed cabbage on top of it. Quit trying to gourmet up my pizza!”

In a valiant effort to not let any of his cherished swipes go to waste, Waller migrated his way towards the cereal bar: “It’s the only thing I know that will always be there. Lucky Charms never backfires. It’s all I ever eat here.”

Shockingly, Waller wasn’t the only student relying on a bowl of cereal as their last resort.

Cindy Rinehart, a junior English major, defended her meal of choice, stating, “Well, it’s not that I want to get cereal. But it’s the only option available that doesn’t make me question the necessity of eating for the sake of my own survival.”

That’s not to say all students don’t enjoy eating the food prepared at the dining halls. Freshman Conrad Rile was seen scarfing down his meatloaf and mashed potatoes with a hearty smile. Sadly, he could not be reached for comment, as he was hospitalized this morning after having his stomach pumped.

Indeed, today proved tough—albeit interesting—for our famished students. But tomorrow is another day, and maybe, with just a little luck, they’ll be greeted with a menu that’s magically delicious.