University To Allow Student-Athletes To Drop ‘Student’ Duties If Specific Athletic Goals Met
by Andy Gause
MCKAY CENTER – On Monday, the university announced a program to allow certain student-athletes to opt out of their classes if a high level of athletic excellence is met. These students would become unburdened by the responsibilities of attending class so that they can more fully focus on their training.
The program is similar to an honorary degree for a particularly famous alumni or star, except with current student-athletes. Greg Russell, the university official in charge of student-athlete relations, told Sack of Troy, “With the amount of money the university makes off these kids, it’s only natural to throw them a bone and give them a free degree.”
Mr. Russell added, “At it a certain point, it’s like really? Do these athletes have to get a degree in policy planning and development to go into the NFL Draft? Who are we kidding? They’d be much better suited to work on their 400 time or vertical jump, or other more important things.”
The university thinks the new program will motivate student-athletes on the cusp of athletic excellence to strive harder for their goals, on the field at least.
Critics of the program have suggested that the program might emphasize athletic performance over class work.
Mr. Russell responded, “we’re not giving these privileges to just any student-athlete. We’re talking the cream of the crop. The best quarterbacks, the fastest running backs, the strongest linebackers and maybe a tennis player or two.”
The university also mentions other upsides to the program, such as fewer sleeping students in communications classes and an overall GPA increase.