Obama to Replace all Federal Elections with Nate Silver
by Sasha Voth
WASHINGTON DC–With a Republican controlled House and Senate, Obama is hitting the ground running on budget negotiations. His latest budget includes, among other things, the replacement of all federal elections with Nate Silver.
Silver, a statistician, correctly predicted both the 2008 and 2012 presidential elections, and 66 out of 68 Senate races.
“We just realized-hey, here’s a guy who’s right almost all the time. Lets just cut to the chase and use him,” Obama stated in a press conference. When asked if he was ok with a potential margin of error, Obama replied, “I have no worries. I’ve run my last campaign. I’ve already won twice,” obviously not understanding the context of the question.
While the job has not been offered to Silver yet, he has made clear his intention to take it up.
“Look folk, it’s time for the US to catch up. Everybody is using numbers to predict things, from Wall Street to those guys in Moneyball. Plus… Don’t you trust me?”
“Who wouldn’t trust that face?”