Ball So Hard? An Interview with Tom Brady

by Grace Carballo

In a press conference earlier this afternoon, New England Patriots’ quarterback, Tom Brady, addressed the intense societal pressures placed on him as a professional athlete. In the weeks leading up to the Super Bowl, the need for a flawless appearance is particularly crucial, as sponsorship is often directly related to how attractive male athletes are, much more so than that sports thing.

Brady addressed plastic-surgery rumors, saying “When I pick those balls out, at that point, to me they’re perfect. I don’t want anyone touching the balls after that… to me those balls are perfect and that’s what I expect when I go out on the field.”

This pressure to be perfect, many speculated, is why Brady opted to wear a Patriots hat throughout the entirety of the interview, in an effort to cover poorly done highlights.

While another Super Bowl ring would certainly compliment Brady’s other three and really tie his whole outfit together, it’s clear his eyes are on the real prize, a Calvin Klein underwear modeling contact so he, too, can bend it like Beckham.

“Everybody has a preference. Some guys like them round. Some guys like them thin. Some guys like them tacky. Some guys like them brand new. Some guys like old balls,” Brady went on in the interview.

Now that Brady has achieved his own standard of perfection, only time will tell if he and his balls meet the standard of the American public.