Climate Change Rally-goers Burn Through Four Tons of Water Bottles

by Staff

LOS ANGELES– This past Saturday, several hundred demonstrators met on the streets of LA to voice their concerns about some environmental issue. Afterwards, hundreds of abandoned banners, broken protest signs, and ragged tibetan prayer flags decorated fifteen blocks of Wilshire Boulevard, evidence of a successful political gathering.

Such a large number of people standing over asphalt in the current hot weather required something of a small economy to keep things civil. In the first hour alone, the crowd bought and disposed of 2842 8-oz water bottles.

By the end of the ordeal, over 30,000 plastic bottles littered Wilshire Blvd. as a reminder of the collective anger of an upset people.The thousands of attendees apparently discovered the event via paper flyers, a trail of which led from West LA and the various local universities to crowded Downtown.

Those that showed up were quite enthusiastic about the movement. One said, “Of course I deeply believe in this cause. I drove all the way from Boulder in my Suburban!”

During the protest march, traffic was diverted onto parallel thoroughfares. Gridlock ensued and thousands of Los Angeles motorists inched across the city for hours. Louie Varnarian, a leader of the rally, exulted, “At last, Mother Earth is victorious over the pollution-spewing automobile!”

In fact, traffic slowed so much that hundreds more motorists left their cars running in the road to join in on the march.

The rally, aiming to raise awareness, managed to generate over 46.2 kiloHertels of awareness. Said awareness will ideally make up for the 85-ton carbon footprint created by the rally.

At press time, event organizers were in talks about a Beverly Hills ‘Feast for Hunger.’