by Axel Hellman
Every April, the mysterious Skull and Dagger Society, an underground secret society consisting of elite, well-connected USC students and administrators pull a prank on the USC community.
Previous practical jokes have involved staging a fake press conference, tricking students into dressing in silly costumes in order to win music festival tickets, and convincing students to skip class in order to buy “reserved” student football tickets.
The lighthearted pranks are usually planned in collusion with USC administrators. This year, the society sent out a fake email from USC’s ePay tuition system, saying that students would not be able to enroll in classes until they paid $59,265 in tuition and fees.
The email was sent to tens of thousands of USC students and their families, including the parents of those high school seniors who just committed to USC.
“You should have seen the look on some of their faces when they realized they would have to go deep into personal debt to afford a college education,” said one Skull and Dagger member, Johnny Deloitte, rolling in mirth, “Some of them even mortgaged their homes. Suckers!”
The merriment only continued when thousands of checks arrived, totalling in the tens of millions of dollars.
One administrator said, “Ha! Ha! It was like taking candy from low-income babies with clearly demonstrated financial need.”
Another student, Leo Touche, recalled, “We even told some of them that they had to pay a $50 lab fee if they wanted to register for random classes like Spanish that didn’t even have labs. And those morons just ate it up.”
Student Judicial Affairs and Community Standards (SJACS) representative Y. R. Frodde said, “They stole 35 million dollars, and technically we could prosecute them for impersonation and conspiracy to commit fraud. But we decided to just ask them to write a 2-3 page apology essay.”
Skull and Dagger president Myrna Plimpton commented, “Only a chump would believe all those ridiculous charges and fees we put in. And the total amount was almost $60,000. A tuition rate that high is obviously a joke.”