USC to Hire George W. Bush as New Dean of Price

by Anshu Siripurapu

Former President of the United States George W. Bush is expected to replace Jack H. Knott as Dean of the Price School of Public Policy.

The move comes as a part of the Public Figures to Professors Initiative which has seen the hiring of former Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.

“We want to send a message to all former elected officials: USC is hiring!” University President C.L. Max Nikias said in a statement to the Sack of Troy.

Sources close to the administration told the Sack of Troy the official announcement is expected to be made during Bush’s visit to campus on Nov. 19.

In addition to his appointment as dean of USC Price, Bush will also teach a class called PPD-486, “Principles of Statistical Misunderestimation.”

Bush will be paid $300,000 to teach the two-hour class, which will meet four times over the course of the semester, and will enroll approximately six to ten students.

Plans are also underway for the establishment of the Take That Schwarzenegger Institute for State and Global Policy where Bush will chair the Board of Advisors.

“Although I’m not thrilled about losing my job, I think [Bush] will make an excellent addition to USC,” said Dean Knott, “He’s the kind of guy you want to have a beer with.”

Although plans to hire former Vice President Dick Cheney or former Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove are not confirmed, Bush is expected to accept the appointment.

An anonymous USC spokesperson said, “To the ‘C’ students, we say, you too can be a professor at USC.”