Undercover Glee Fan Can’t Wait for Spotify Wrapped to Stop Collecting Data

By Gracie Silberman

LOS ANGELES, CA – As late November approaches, Spotify listeners are breathing a sigh of relief as they finally stop caring about their music taste! And no one is more excited than local Gleek Rochelle Barry. While most people ramp up for non-stop Christmas tunes, repressed theater kids like Barry are looking forward to the real holiday magic: showtunes.

Spotify Wrapped is the event of Instagram every year where listeners can learn what their eighth grade homeroom tablemate’s number one song was. Still, every year Rochelle scrambles to make sure her 100 story viewers and 10 loyal story likers are aware she knows more about The Smiths than they ever will. But what’s happening behind closed doors? What is she searching up on YouTube when she doesn’t want her perfectly curated top five to be messed up? Rachel Berry.

Finally, as Rochelle walks to class she can have the gorgeous sounds of Kurt Hummel in her ears without fear. Unless one of those TikTokers asking people what they’re listening starts filming her But even then, she can just lie! “No matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, sometimes I just need to listen to Matthew Morrison rapping Blurred Lines on a deeply personal level,” Rochelle said.
Non Gleeks also can’t escape the desperation for whimsy. For some, it’s Hamilton, for others it’s Lemonade Mouth or Barbie and the Diamond Castle. “If I want to listen to the entire soundtrack of Tinkerbell on my roadtrip I should be allowed to in peace. So what if my number one song is Fly to Your Heart by Selena Gomez? At least I have joy and childlike wonder,” said Jane Smith, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of social retaliation.