USC Demolition Club Takes an Unconventional Approach to Open House

By Margaret Danenhauer

LOS ANGELES, CA — USC’s Demolition Club surprised and delighted prospective members by demolishing Ronald Tutor Campus Center with a wrecking ball – with all of them inside.

The hilarious prank, which resulted in the deaths of 40 and the injury of hundreds of others, was the brainchild of the now-incarcerated James Mackley. “The USC Demolition Club remains a beloved mainstay of both the Trojan community and the FBI’s Terror Watchlist,” said Mackley. “When I was a freshman, I remember the club volunteering with the city of Los Angeles to help demolish low-income neighborhoods in order to make way for a new Phi Beta Sigma house within reasonable walking distance of campus.”

“Now that I’m the president,” he continued, “I’m proud to carry on this grand tradition of evil by absolutely fucking wrecking the campus center and everyone in it. Good luck trying to buy $12 smoothies now, losers!”

When asked about future club events, Mackley said he’d love to do Webb Tower next, but that plans have been delayed by malicious detractors from inside the school of Architecture.