Carol Folt Dead
By Violet Rose Wang
LOS ANGELES, CA – Beloved USC President, free speech advocate, and demon Carol Folt has died with gratitude. She was 74.
On Sunday evening, Folt’s Tesla auto-drove into an unimportant family of four. Unharmed by the crash, she exited the vehicle and was immediately flattened by a semi-truck, passing away.
Folt is survived by her husband, two children, her other husband, three secret children, four golden retrievers, one orangutan, and 37 white elephants.
