Ed Markey Puts Out Ad Disrespecting Kennedy Legacy by Successfully Riding in a Convertible

By Drew Thomas-Nathan

BOSTON, MA — As the Democratic primary for Ma. Senator Ed Markey’s seat heats up with pressure from challenger Rep. Joe Kennedy III, Markey’s team has released an ad hitting Kennedy where it hurts: his more famous, more beloved relatives.

The ad in question starts with Sen. Markey beaming into the camera. “Folks, you all know I’ve been a productive progressive legislator for forty years,” he says before boasting that his record speaks for itself. “But enough boring talk. Hey Joe, I’d like to see a Kennedy do this!” The ad then cuts to footage of Markey impressively riding in a convertible for a solid thirty seconds without getting shot in the head. 

The ad has widely been interpreted as a reference to late president and JKIII’s great uncle John F. Kennedy’s famous assassination. Various Markey supporters have taken to Twitter to share and support the Senator’s “epic dunk.”

Launching such a brazen attack on the Kennedy clan was enough for House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to weigh in and endorse Kennedy. “You can’t go for the man’s family like that,” said Pelosi. “That’s all he has. Literally the only thing going for Joe Kennedy in this race. He doesn’t have any substantial policy differences from Markey. He isn’t backed by trusted progressive voices like the Sunrise Movement and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. The only reason to care about him is that delightful donation-magnet of a surname.”

The ad seems to have truly irked Joe Kennedy III. “Oh so you want to park the car in Harvard yard? ‘Cause we can park the car in Harvard yard!” begins a taped statement from Kennedy. “Why don’t you stop attacking my family and do something about racial inequality, something my record is perfect on being the millennial heir to a century-plus-old rich white legacy of Massachusetts governance.”

At press time Markey has accepted Kennedy’s challenge to see who can park their car at Harvard yard best adding, “I hope he keeps the top down.”