Report: This Isn’t Funny Anymore, Guys!

by Melanie Hoffmann

INSIDE A DARK CLOSET This isn’t funny anymore, guys! It’s been three hours and everyone knows pranks shouldn’t last longer than a Quibi. I locked myself in the closet because some dude is running around the cabin with a blood-stained machete. I can’t believe you guys could afford a paid actor! Oh shit. He’s dragging the machete across the walls while walking towards the closet. This is where you guys all jump out and say surprise, just kidding, you’re not about to die, right? You laugh at me for being a scared little bitch and we go on with our college-aged hijinks like pre-marital sex and underage drinking? Seriously, guys. Come out now. This ISN’T FUNNY- oh shit. Oh, dear god! AUGHAUGG. Nooooo, noooooo!!!!