by Christine Politte
When Craig Butler went to his appointment at Wilkerson Dental on Thursday, he was expecting a bit of nagging. It quickly became apparent that his dentist was more disappointed in him than his father ever was.
“I knew he’d be upset about my flossing habits,” sighed Butler. “But I haven’t seen that look in someone’s eyes since I failed 8th grade algebra and my dad stopped speaking to me for a week.”
Wilkerson confirmed that he dreads Butler’s appointments and considers him “a worse patient than the angry 80-year-old with fish breath.”
“He never listens,” sighed Dr. Wilkerson as he snuck a shot of rubbing alcohol in the supply closet. “How hard is it to brush twice a day? If I were Craig’s father, I would have left too.”
Although the appointment was emotionally taxing, Butler has no plans to switch dentists, and in fact said he intends to keep going to Dr. Wilkerson “for life.”
“Our connection can’t be broken this easily,” sobbed the dental delinquent as he bought out every toothbrush at CVS. “I can’t go back and keep my dog from dying because I forgot to feed him, but I can stop drinking soda. I will make Dr. Wilkerson proud.”
At press time, Butler was already waiting for his next reminder postcard, which he called “friendlier than my dad’s twice-yearly phone calls.”