Man Struck by Lightning Gains Ability to Tell Same Damn Story for 20 Years

by Jack Hackett

NEWNAN, GA — Twenty years ago, lightning struck local farmer Doug Prestons while he was out tilling the fields. Since then, he’s gone to Clemson’s Bar & Grille every night to recount the same damn story.

“So there I was, uprooting some corn when BAM! Lightnin’ got me good,” performed Prestons. “I didn’t even see it comin’. How could ya? Lightnin’ moves at like 180,000 miles per second. That’s faster than Jeff Gordon in the Daytona!”

New patrons heed Prestons by nodding along to his electrifying anecdote, while regulars would rather have ice picks jammed down their ear canals.

“I’ve owned this bar for 25 years, and 20 of them have been spent listening to Doug,” complained barkeep Earlene Hampton. “If I hear his Goddamned lightning story one more time, I’m gonna have an aneurysm.”

“I’ll kill him. I swear to God I’ll kill him,” blurted regular Bubba Greggs. “Mark my words. If he ever mentions lighting again, he’s dead. D-E-D, dead.”

Preston’s consistent retelling of his shocking tale prompted bar clientele to coin the term “Douging,” which is when someone tells a story they’ve already told.

The term was overheard in a conversation a few nights ago:

“Hey, Ralph. You’re Douging.”

“Ah, shucks. Sorry, Jeb.”

Needless to say, “Douging” only comes with negative connotations. However, after 20 years of telling the same damn story, Prestons shows no sign of stopping and zero awareness of his annoyance to everyone around him.

Jack Hackett

He is your run of the mill bad boy. He hangs out by the dumpsters during recess sucking down cigarettes. He is complex by nature, but is simply looking for love.

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