Business Student Angry He’s Not Drowning in Money Yet

by Chai Karve

LOS ANGELES, CA — Upon starting his third year at the Marshall School of Business, Dale Winchester was dismayed to learn that he was not surrounded by humongous piles of cash.

“I got into the business school to shake hands, make deals, and screw the working man,” explained Winchester. “Nobody told me I’d have to work for it.”

Despite his best attempts to do as little schoolwork as possible and have tremendous financial results, Winchester’s efforts have had the exact opposite effect.

“A wise man once said, ‘C’s get degrees,’” recalled Winchester. “That man was me.”

While Cs do technically “get degrees”, they do not “get” jobs, let alone millions of dollars.

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to do the bare minimum?” complained Winchester before calling his father to transfer more funds into his bank account.

After learning that he was not independently wealthy yet, Winchester sued the school.