Business Majors Plan App to Find App Programmers

by Axel Hellman and Noah Suarez-Sikes

From Uber and Lyft to Tinder and Farmersonly, the biggest new names in the tech business connect people who have something to offer each other—and that’s exactly what Marshall students Sally Tseng and Brad Unkerle plan to offer.

The dynamic duo announced that they have begun work on a project called “PrgrmmrFndr”, which will link computer science students with advanced programming skills to entrepreneurial business majors who are working on exciting projects.

The app will purportedly allow businesses to sort through hordes of job-hungry programmers, “swiping” left or right on their profiles to hire or dismiss them. “It’s like Tinder meets LinkedIn meets Grindr meets ChristianMingle meets—meets JDate!” said Unkerle. “And the best part is that they’re willing to work for an IV drip of Mountain Dew and whatever Dorito pieces they can scrape off of the floor! It’s a steal for companies!

An enthusiastic Tseng told the Sack of Troy, “PrgrmmrFndr has already received start-up angel funding from Brad’s parents and a special $500 grant from the American Anti-Vowel Society.”

Tseng and Unkerle were inspired to launch their start-up when they tried to find interested computer science students in the Viterbi school to collaborate with them on a class project to create an app that they described as “Zappos for dogs.” There were too many engineers begging for 0.5% equity to make a fair decision.

It certainly didn’t help to narrow down applicants when the team’s Facebook posts on CS groups advertised a “great résumé experience!” on a “fast-paced dynamic creative team,” with frequent, unrestrained use of the word “hack.”

When pressed for comment on which platforms the app might be available on, Tseng responded with “Uh, tall ones, I guess? I mean, we’re all about promotion, but right now we’ll probably just stick to flyers and word of mouth. Eventually though, mahogany panel for sure.”

Tseng also mentioned that the coding language for the app would “definitely be English” to gain the best “viral traction.”

Tseng went on to explain that business majors will be able to create profiles detailing their project, schedule, and work requirements.  Coders’ profiles will show programming language proficiencies, examples of past work, and how much of their integrity, ethics, and soul they are willing to pay for the valuable, valuable (unpaid) experience.

“Really right now it’s about maximizing the customer experience, driving engagement, and bringing the brand alive. Also identifying relevant and compelling hooks for the audience and creating content around the hooks and integrating it into their social repertoires! We will also synergize our existing human capital through flexible partnerships and appropriately reinventing long-term high-impact deliverables on our cooperative holistic network platform. Our big data client-engagement model drives a user-oriented responsive interface to benchmark crowdsourced innovation.  Growth.”

“I’m not sure what that means,” continued Unkerle “but it sounds good, and the Marshall people assured me it will kill with investors. Hey, by the way, would you like some stock options?” he said, flinging sheets of paper at Sack of Troy staff. “There’s enough for everyone! It’ll be worth so much money!” The papers included what appeared to be a multiple choice question with varying quantities of dollar signs.

“We will be on the road to profitability, fame, and Zuckerberg-esque wealth, once we find someone who can do the coding for PrgrmmrFndr,” commented Unkerle, “But, like, we’ve already done 90% of the work.”

“Coming up with the idea is the hardest part.”