by Georgina Chiou
LOS ANGELES, CA — After rampant concern that puppies were just not enough, universities in the U.S. and Canada have started bringing in packs of shirtless Zac Efrons to help students cope with the intense stresses of finals week.
Every week, the non-profit organization “Abs For Grabs” brings its genetically cloned Zac Efrons to various schools. Students can sign up to visit a Zac, pet it, and have it perform tricks for treats.
“Alcohol, weed, Xanax. I’ve tried it all,” confessed freshman Kate Bowden. “Sometimes I’ll do all three at once and still be stressed out! Nothing works as well as a Zac. He makes me feel young and stress-free. It’s almost like I’m…17 again.”
Though many may see this as a gimmick, the emotional benefits of Zacs have been duly noted and empirically vetted by the scientific community.
“Just petting a Zac will decrease your blood pressure and relieve anxiety by 25%,” said stress expert Kassie Block. “They just really help you get your head in the game. And if you catch one in a good mood, it might even sing for you.”
Although the Zacs have been targeted towards women, they have been receiving positive feedback from all students regardless of gender.
“I thought the whole thing was a little weird at first,” admitted male student Jackson Hale. “But once you stare into those sparkly blue eyes, your problems disappear. They’re just so blue.”
Thirty minute time slots are given out on a first come first serve basis. A waitlist will be made available if there are no more available time slots, and there will also be a standby line on the day. You can bet on it, bet on it.