Film Student Forced Into Intervention Over ‘Whimsical’ Letterboxd Top 4

By Gracie Silberman

LOS ANGELES – Student Zoey Matrimony entered her first School of Cinematic Arts class to her professor, an ex-gaffer on The Good Doctor, asking the class their Letterboxd Top 4, leading directly to her own intervention.

Zoey told the class her Top 4 consisted of The Fault in Our Stars, Mr Peabody and Sherman, Felicity: An American Girl Adventure, and Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Not even the angsty foreign film could save her. As her peers’ accounts boomed with The Godfather 2 and Do the Right Thing, she complained, “Can’t a girl have some whimsical fun? Sorry, I’d rather rewatch Bella and Edward making Renesmee than Marlon Brando beating women up.”

Her classmates burst into hysterics. One student declared,  “Next we’re going to find out she doesn’t listen to Jeff Buckley OR Elliott Smith. God, she probably likes Sombr.” In disclosing Zoey’s 2025 Spotify Wrapped, it turned out her top artist was Taylor Swift. She defended herself explaining her top album was folklore, but nothing by a pop mega star could possibly be indie enough for these students.

What started as a little coffee chat of an intervention quickly turned hostile. As Zoey denounced conforming to her classmate’s whims, her peers forced her into Ray Stark Theater where she was forcibly chained down and made to watch Pulp Fiction – while one student held Zoey’s eyes open for all 2 hours and 29 minutes. She was then coerced into telling a room full of men it was a good film.
When cornered by reporters, Zoey said, “I think I’m gonna take it as a bonding activity! That’s bond-ing not bondage. Anyways, I’m still going home and watching Barbie: Princess Charm School.”