Timothée Chalamet Named Most Tolerable LaGuardia Student

By Gabby Frugoni

NEW YORK – After making offensive comments insulting ballet and opera, Timothee Chalamet has officially been named the Most Tolerable LaGuardia Student. Timothee won the vote by a landslide since he ran virtually unopposed.

“That’s genuinely the nicest thing to ever come out of a LaGuardia student’s mouth,” stated principal of LaGuardia High School Deepak Marwah, “I thought we taught them all to be insufferable, but I guess one slipped through the cracks.”

Despite uproar from the ballet and opera communities, American Ballet Theatre Principal Dancer Isabella Boylston noted, “I was definitely offended at first, but when I found out he was a LaGuardia grad, I remembered that’s the best I was gonna get out of him.” Ailyn Pérez, a soprano currently performing at the Metropolitan Opera confessed, “It sucked for a second, but he went to LaGuardia! It’s his first time living too!”

When asked to comment on the controversy, Chalamet’s mother, Nicole Flender, a dancer herself, simply stated “Marty Supreme Christmas Day” as a tear rolled down her eye.