Astrology Girl “Manifests Destiny,” Expands Territory to the Pacific

By Gabby Frugoni

WILLIAMSBURG, VA – Local Aquarius moon Clementine Johnson has conquered and settled the western lands of North America after a particularly “locked-in” manifestation session. The 23-year-old self-employed influencer completed this journey last week when Venus was in retrograde.

“Like America was just giving exceptionalism and I was giving nationalism so it was perfect” noted Johnson as she polished her selenite. When asked about the manifestation process, Johnson explained that all she needed was “three candles, a little bit of spit, and a hate letter from the Whig party.”

Clementine was incredibly proud of her newly established settlements and reflected, “I fear I kinda ate with annexing Texas, like my Aries Mars was Aries Marsing.” There were some minor bumps along the way as Johnson mentioned, “I knew that Donner Party shit was gonna be messy because like half of them were fire signs and half were water signs. But we live and we learn.” 

A major obstacle Johnson predicted she would face was negotiating with the European imperialist powers who had already taken parts of the lands she was settling. However, the English and Spanish settlers in the west quickly surrendered their territories when they saw her “dark feminine energy.”