By Veronica Marks
Yas, queen! Feminism reached unseen heights today when my #Girlboss Melissa fired me from my job like she fires off takedowns of the patriarchy on Facebook.
Being a #Girlboss is hard AF! You probs know that for every dollar a man earns, women earn 77 cents (if you didn’t, kill yourself!). But did you know that for every foreign 10-year-old a man exploits for child labor, women only exploit a foreign 7-year-old? F*CKED UP!
But my #Girlboss Melissa isn’t afraid to take ownership of her yoni and do whatever it takes to succeed in a man’s world. When she realized that her Woke-Ass-Profits would increase 1.7% if she didn’t have to pay my wages, she gave me a pink (werk!) slip and kicked me to the curb with a sensible heel!
A lot of people say firing somoene is “a man’s job.” Well, Melissa not only shattered that glass ceiling, but jeopardized my ability to have any ceiling! (I’m getting evicted because I can’t afford rent). Take that, Wade from Roe v. Wade!
Hopefully, Melissa has empowered mini-Hillarys everywhere to reach their wildest dreams, especially if one of those dreams includes my teeth rotting because I can’t afford a dental visit without my employee healthcare plan. Who needs molars when you have matriarchy??
Who run the world/run after me with a broom because she caught me trying to take some toilet paper on my way out? MELISSA!
(this is a GIF of Tina Fey doing a dance with money)