DMC Globe Gets Turned Into Flat Earth

By Pablo Rodriguez

LOS ANGELES, CA – “BANG,” “CRASH,” “BOOM.” These sounds and more could be heard emanating from DMC early Monday morning as construction workers contorted the DMC globe into a flat Earth. “They killed my baby,” said Jonathan Globe, designer of the DMC Globe. “I spent years designing him, caring for him, and singing him to sleep, and just like that, he’s dead.” 

The flattening of the DMC Globe comes as USC partners with the Flat Earth Society to create a new Flat Earth Studies Department under Dornsife. “That’s one thing Christopher Columbus was right about,” said Thomas Flat, President of the Flat Earth Society. “Columbus thought the Earth was flat, right?” After being corrected Flat responded, “Well then, seems as though Columbus was wrong about a lot of things.” 

The new Flat Studies Department offers new exciting courses for Trojans interested in a Flat Earth Studies major or minor, including “Making Music With Only Flat Notes” and “Globist Literature and Its Consequences.”