GoFundMe to Save Rainforests Accidentally Saves Rainforest Cafes

By Gracie Silberman

ONTARIO MILLS, CALIFORNIA –  A GoFundMe started by College Kids Against Climate Change Club to combat deforestation in Brazil has accidentally donated all of its funds to the themed dining establishment Rainforest Cafe. An absolute win over whatever lame rainforest they were originally raising money for, in my opinion.

Patrons and staff alike are thrilled by this prospect, calling the College Kids Against Climate  Change Club members “a Post-Modern Mother Earth – Savior of Tuki the Elephant”. While the members were originally horrified by their mistake, they have now fully embraced their rainforest pride as the new spokespeople for the company; even riding on their new Macy’s Day Parade Float featuring strange paintings of monkeys and twinkly star lights.

Cha! Cha! the Tree Frog (famously spelled with not one, but two exclamation points) was not excited to learn his contract working with the large animatronic gorilla had been extended: “If I have to hear that broke ass bitch during the thunderstorm one more time, I’m gonna quit this shit hole and move in with Chuck E. Cheese.”

KTLA weatherman Corduroy Callaghan told us he thinks saving the Rainforest Cafe is an excellent idea: “If we can figure out just how they manage to make a thunderstorm happen every 15 minutes we could put an end to every drought in America”. Personally, I hope this means Downtown Disney will reopen their location. The Disney Magic hasn’t been the same since.