By Megan Dang
LOS ANGELES, CA — Local nepo baby and Q-list Internet celebrity Sally Perkins defied all odds and expectations when she revealed to the world via Instagram Reels that she’s finally begun to fall in love with life.
Recently, Perkins uploaded a video compiling the simplest pleasures of her day-to-day: a $12 ceremonial grade matcha latte, the view from her yacht, and spitting on plebeians from her penthouse window. “It’s all about taking time to appreciate the little things,” Perkins said, sporting a Goyard tote and a French manicure on unblemished hands that have never seen a dish sponge, mop, or any singular power tool.
Perkins wasn’t always imbued with this inspirational joie-de-vivre. Her road to personal happiness was one that was paved with adversity and grit. “This one time, I was planning my birthday party in Sicily, and I ordered this beautiful dress from Reformation,” she recounted. “But it didn’t ship to Italy in time, and I had to wear… God, I can barely admit this… Zara.” Perkins became teary-eyed as she recalled the woes of her hard-knock life. “I was just about ready to give up on life after that. I thought, ‘There’s just nothing for me here.’”
Luckily, Perkins’s hard-fought 28 years of experience tapping into her trust fund and entering her parents’ three-digit VISA security code finally paid off. After some self-reflection, mindful journaling, and a spontaneous, low-key getaway to the Four Seasons in Prague, Perkins had a completely unprompted moment of catharsis: in spite of everything, life might be worth it after all. As for her next plans? “Now I just want to sail the world and see all of its raw, natural beauty,” Perkins explained before boarding the Disney Cruise Wonder on her father’s bonus check from Microsoft.