By Jackson Parker
BOSTON, MA – Although he reflects on the Roman Empire’s contributions to society weekly, local Boston College student Sean Roberts has admitted that,, he thinks about the Ming Dynasty only half as often: once every two weeks.
Despite being reminded of the countless advancements in porcelain craftsmanship and literature, Sean just doesn’t seem to give a shit. “Sure, the tireless repair done on the Great Wall of China in portions constructed by Bei Qi and Bei Wei is cool, but I’m a bigger fan of those cool horsey races they had in The Colosseum!”
When asked if he’s contacted fellow Eurocentrists to support his position, Sean became increasingly defensive in that uniquely white supremacist manner. “Look, I just appreciate how Julius Caesar was a general who was able to implement himself into the government, that’s all,” he claimed, though the words were barely audible over the sound of his prejudice. When his non-racist classmate Deborah Walker pointed out that Ming Emperor Zhu Di also served as general before taking political power, Sean left the room, hopefully to shamefully reflect on his ignorance.
Even though he is expected to issue an apology, Sean will likely only release a digital statement as two-color printing remains a signature invention of the Ming Dynasty.