Hazardous Materials at DPS Office Render Hundreds of Pounds of Pork Inedible

By Lili Adkins

LOS ANGELES, CA ––– At 4:47pm on February 9, USC TrojansAlert email alerted the university of a hazardous materials incident at the Department of Public Safety (DPS) office. DPS Chief Lauretta Hill issued a statement in response to the accident, revealing that the numerous pigs employed in the building were exposed to dangerous chemicals, which rendered their meat entirely inedible. Following the chaos, the little piggies ran all the way home and were given the rest of the day off to recuperate. This news has raised concerns as to how the university’s bacon supply will be impacted during the upcoming weeks.