By Emily Torp
NEW YORK – Mr. Peanut’s successor, Baby Nut, of the Planters franchise, has formally requested to be renamed “Baby Legume” to be less offensive to individuals with peanut allergies.
Baby Nut made this move following Mr. Potato Head’s shift to just “Potato Head” to remove gender from the changeable tater childrens toy. The Planters team have always been quick to follow trends, previously killing off Mr. Peanut and opting for an infant mascot in the wake of Baby Yoda hysteria. However Planters did originate the genderless trend, as they deliberately chose to have Baby Nut be genital-less, with neither a she-pea nor peanus.
“Yay for gender neutrality and what not, but people with allergies are the ones who really need representation in the media and in the grocery store,” said Sally Walberg, allergy and sensitivity activist “Baby Legume is a start, but what we really need is a sunflower butter mascot. Maybe SunBut the But Nut? Bean Stalk the Sun Jock? Samantha the Sunflower? Perry the Platypus? ANYTHING!”
Conservative activist and occasional arsonist Ronald McEwan asked, “What’s next? The Pillsbury Dough Boy has to be the ‘Pillsbury Gluten Free Child?’ If I can’t eat gluten or make fun of fat children, what’s the point of living?”
Heir to the Planters franchise James McClellan said he expects some to be angry with the name Baby Legume, in particular “those who do not know what a legume is.” He also said he has always known what a legume was, even when he was a baby because, “Nuts are in my genes. Some say I came out of the womb with nuts in my mouth and legumes in my hand.”
When asked if Baby Legume will be on the packaging for your new nut-free products Planters responded, “We will absolutely not be making nut-free products. It just doesn’t work with our brand.”