Unparalleled Genius With Gigantic Brain Gets Final Jeopardy Right

By Mia Young

SYRACUSE, NY — Adam Dillard, occasional Jeopardy watcher and large brained specimen recently got this week’s “Final Jeopardy” answer right.

“It’s just so crazy how incredibly smart I am. It’s like I’m a child prodigy.” Adam, 28, declared from his mother’s couch in the finished basement. On the coffee table in front of him lay a dictionary and a fifth grade report card in which he only got one B. 

“We just don’t know how he does it!” exclaimed Adam’s father, Scott, a washed up, street-smart, ‘I don’t read’ kind of guy. “He’ll watch the whole show and get maybe five answers right! I can’t even get one!” he laughed.

Wearing his trademark “I’m With Stupid” t-shirt, Adam explained that he watches Jeopardy “whenever nothing else is on” or when he’s visiting his grandmother. Often times he blurts out the answers immediately after hearing a contestant’s guess. He claims that all knowledge of the content is his own, but that it takes a few extra seconds for him to fully register it.

“My grandson is so smart. Sometimes he even gets that last question right!” said his grandmother, Lucy, who was in the process of knitting a larger-than-average hat for Adam’s gigantic, prodigal head.

Adam intends on making it a habit to watch the show every night and someday be on Jeopardy himself. He states that, if anything, he wants to “show those no-good, pencil-neck nerds who’s boss.” He then proceeded to yell “ADELE” as the screen showed a picture of Cher.

Adam is still awaiting the results of the MENSA application he sent out four months ago.