Last Non-Mac Computer on Campus to Be Put Down This Week

by Christine Politte

LOS ANGELES, CA — After years of being surrounded by generations of sleeker, thinner Macs with better battery life, the last non-mac computer on USC’s campus will reportedly be put down later this week. Clutching the thick, unattractive Dell Latitude D620 to her chest, owner Jenna Nelson explained through tears just how much the clunky ten-year-old machine meant to her.

“My neighbor gave it to me in middle school because she had more than she knew what to do with. It was so comforting to feel its solid seven-pound weight in my backpack everywhere I went. I don’t know what I’ll do without it,” she cried, before being led away blubbering.

“It was time,” said Christopher Johnson, a friend of Nelson’s. “It was way past time, actually. We’d been telling Jenna for years to put the poor thing out of its misery, but she just couldn’t let go.”

“It was like 10 years old, completely obsolete,” said Sarah Schroeder, another friend of Nelson’s. “It was heartbreaking to watch it suffer. It’s in a better place now.”

The computer will be laid to rest after a brief ceremony on Friday. Only family, close friends, and electronics scavengers will attend.