by Andy Gause
Dale Feng, a junior architecture major, recently reported lying in his bed and shutting his eyelid for nearly eight straight hours.
Following the event, Mr. Feng told reporters that he found the experience quite enjoyable. “I was skeptical at first. But now I finally understand what all my communication friends have been raving about. This ‘sleep’ thing is the best!” proclaimed a relatively well-rested Mr. Feng.
However, he added that the ‘sleeping’ experiment has caused him to fall behind and that he will have to pull two all-nighters to catch up on his work. Mr. Feng usually waits to experience sleep until winter break, an architecture student’s normal ‘hibernation period,’ free of lab work or midterm examinations.
Then in January, when the break is over, the architecture student will rise from their slumber, fill its stomach with In-N-Out Burger, and return to its normal pattern of work, thinking about work, and staving off work-related mental illnesses.
According to Mr. Feng’s roommate, Ari Yan, the experiment wasn’t without its kinks, “He kept trying to do problems in his sleep, like when a dog dreams about running and violently thrashes its legs.” Mr. Yan also claimed that at one point his roommate stood up and began stumbling towards the architecture lab in his underwear.
The sleep experiment comes on the heels of a series of tests conducted by Mr. Feng, including going to a ‘party,’ visiting friends to ‘hang out,’ and capturing an elusive and mythical ‘girlfriend.’